A year ago today, I reported to the MTC to serve a mission.
I think February 20th is always going to be a significant day in my life, the same way days like May 22nd, May 17th and December 4th are. I remember waking up around 4:00am and not being able to sleep. I said goodbye to my sister early before she left for work, and finally around 11:00 decided I should get up. I remember fussing about what I should wear. I had already picked out my outfit months in advance, but couldn't figure out which white shirt to wear. I opted for my button up shirt because it looked nicer for my first day.
All this aside, I had no idea what I was about to experience, and I had no idea that I'd be leaving the MTC just a few short weeks later. But, I did. And what I call "my mission" was still one of the best experiences of my life. I met some of the best people, and learned some of the biggest life-changing lessons while I was there. And I'm so grateful for every day I spent there.
The time surrounding my return home was the hardest of my life. I'll admit, when I made the decision to come home I thought life back home would be easier and not so hard as it was there. But it was much, much harder for a while. I'm thankful every day for the support of my family and friends that helped me work through that.
I was lucky enough to have Tanner there for me 24/7 to give advice or just listen to me over the phone. Weekends that he visited were the best. After a little while, he proposed and a little while later we got married. There will probably be long, detailed posts on those days too.
Anyways, all this stuff isn't the point. The point of why I'm writing this is to express my gratitude for my Heavenly Father who has guided me through the last year. And here's what I know. I know that I was personally affected by the mission age requirement changes because I needed to be brought out of a dark point in my life that I had been going through. I know that preparing for my mission helped me to do that. I know that Heavenly Father knew I wouldn't be spending the full 18 months serving my mission, but that He had a much, much greater plan for me. I know I was put in the MTC a year ago today to be with my district and zone so I could learn from them like I wouldn't be able to learn from anyone else. I know He was not disappointed in me for coming home. I know I was supposed to go on my mission so that Tanner would realize that we needed to get married and that he didn't need to wait another year after his mission to do that. I know that the short time we spent apart while I was gone caused that change in him which led to us being sealed in the temple.
I am so grateful for the path that Heavenly Father has led me on! It brings tears to my eyes to look back on the last year and realize how He had His hand on my shoulder every step of the way. I know I made the right choice in marrying Tanner when I did, and our marriage will forever be my most cherished possession.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
The Trouble With Social Media
Okay, I know what I'm about to say isn't anything new. I also know that in a way it turns me into somewhat of a hypocrite. But it's happening anyways.
My problem with social media has been the same since it really got popular. This was really my problem with society before things like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram even became a thing. Let's get down to it: my problem with social media is that people seem to think that not being face-to-face with a person grants them the right to say anything they want.
Now before anyone quotes the 1st amendment to me, I know. We do have the right to say what we want. But, does having the right to do something really mean you should? In my mind, no.
Let me explain. When I was in high school, I had a pretty large group of friends. There wasn't much drama inside my group of friends, but there were definitely a few people outside that group that really didn't like me. Now I know I wasn't perfect. I'm really embarrassed of a lot of things I did back in high school. But as I was browsing through my old Formspring, (a then-popular site where you could anonymously or publicly ask questions to whoever had a profile) I came across quite a few hateful "questions." I know what you're thinking. I subjected myself to anonymous hate by signing up for these profiles. And I did. That was even a disclaimer on the site while you signed up. For the sake of not offending anyone with the language used, I won't post any of the actual quotes from my page. But, just know there were many telling me how stupid, fat, ugly, loud, annoying, and slutty I was.
In high school, those were some of the worst things I could have been called. Those posts really affected me on some days. It hurt to get these messages daily and have to pretend everything was fine at school, because I didn't want whoever had written them to see me down. Luckily, I was not so affected by these things that I did anything to harm myself. But that's not really why I'm writing this.
What I'm really writing about is the form of "bullying" I see on a daily basis online--by adults. If I had a dollar for every time I saw a post beginning or ending in "I'm just saying," "No offense, but..." "I probably shouldn't say this, but..." or "You can just unfriend me if you don't agree," I would have quit my job by now.
What is it about the internet that causes people to think they can say any offensive thing they want? Just because you can't see the person you're targeting doesn't make the blow any less powerful. The way I see it, if you don't agree with gay marriage, don't agree with it. You don't need to post on others' pictures on how what they're doing is "wrong." Don't like the President? Fine with me. But that doesn't mean you need to post racist remarks about him. If you've got a problem with someone else's religion, fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But how can you expect others to respect your opinions if you don't return that same courtesy?
I think it's so silly to spend so much time and energy hating the way other people live, and spending even more time expressing how much you hate those things. I would so much rather my future children see others equally, and love everyone no matter what their background. Wouldn't you? And wouldn't you rather be known as a positive force in life than "that lady who posted that really douchey thing on Facebook the other night?" I know I would.
It's so simple. Practice safe social media, people.
My problem with social media has been the same since it really got popular. This was really my problem with society before things like Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram even became a thing. Let's get down to it: my problem with social media is that people seem to think that not being face-to-face with a person grants them the right to say anything they want.
Now before anyone quotes the 1st amendment to me, I know. We do have the right to say what we want. But, does having the right to do something really mean you should? In my mind, no.
Let me explain. When I was in high school, I had a pretty large group of friends. There wasn't much drama inside my group of friends, but there were definitely a few people outside that group that really didn't like me. Now I know I wasn't perfect. I'm really embarrassed of a lot of things I did back in high school. But as I was browsing through my old Formspring, (a then-popular site where you could anonymously or publicly ask questions to whoever had a profile) I came across quite a few hateful "questions." I know what you're thinking. I subjected myself to anonymous hate by signing up for these profiles. And I did. That was even a disclaimer on the site while you signed up. For the sake of not offending anyone with the language used, I won't post any of the actual quotes from my page. But, just know there were many telling me how stupid, fat, ugly, loud, annoying, and slutty I was.
In high school, those were some of the worst things I could have been called. Those posts really affected me on some days. It hurt to get these messages daily and have to pretend everything was fine at school, because I didn't want whoever had written them to see me down. Luckily, I was not so affected by these things that I did anything to harm myself. But that's not really why I'm writing this.
What I'm really writing about is the form of "bullying" I see on a daily basis online--by adults. If I had a dollar for every time I saw a post beginning or ending in "I'm just saying," "No offense, but..." "I probably shouldn't say this, but..." or "You can just unfriend me if you don't agree," I would have quit my job by now.
What is it about the internet that causes people to think they can say any offensive thing they want? Just because you can't see the person you're targeting doesn't make the blow any less powerful. The way I see it, if you don't agree with gay marriage, don't agree with it. You don't need to post on others' pictures on how what they're doing is "wrong." Don't like the President? Fine with me. But that doesn't mean you need to post racist remarks about him. If you've got a problem with someone else's religion, fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But how can you expect others to respect your opinions if you don't return that same courtesy?
I think it's so silly to spend so much time and energy hating the way other people live, and spending even more time expressing how much you hate those things. I would so much rather my future children see others equally, and love everyone no matter what their background. Wouldn't you? And wouldn't you rather be known as a positive force in life than "that lady who posted that really douchey thing on Facebook the other night?" I know I would.
It's so simple. Practice safe social media, people.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Utah Musings
Tanner and I have been married for around 5 months now. Which means I've lived here in Utah for around 5 months. Tanner has lived here for a little over a year, so he's a bit more adjusted to it than I am. Living here has definitely been the biggest adjustment for me. This place really boggles my mind sometimes.
For instance, everything closes so dang early here! I know, my life is so hard. But I guess I didn't realize the pains of living somewhere where the average closing time is 10:00. In Vegas everything is open 24/7. And things that aren't are usually not even worth going to. Last night Tanner and I were trying to figure out what to do for a date night, and everything we came up with had already closed or would be closing fairly soon. We ended up ice skating then bailing after about 20 minutes of skating itself. (We were there for an hour total, 40 minutes of which we sat on the side.)
Which brings me to my next point. If you ever want to do anything as a couple, you better go on a week night. If you step foot outside your house on a Friday or Saturday, basically anywhere you go is going to be just packed. I hate crowds. I get claustrophobic and anxious. Tanner gets worked up at annoying, rude people. We're definitely not the most patient of couples. At the ice skating place last night we both ended up leaving pretty frazzled, because there was a particularly obnoxious group of teenage (possibly freshman college) guys. And it was super crowded. I hate that anywhere you go is always super busy, because lets face it, there aren't a lot of options here.
The first day of snow was cute. I woke up, looked outside, and saw this beautiful, fluffy white stuff on the ground. Totally not used to it. I didn't end up going out that day because I wasn't feeling well, but the next day when I left for work, the snow had doubled. The stairs to our apartment were frozen, and I ended up being 10 minutes late to work because I hadn't accounted for how long it would take me to scrape all the ice off my car. I got to work late, freezing, and with my clothes just soaked. As it got worse, the beautiful, fluffy white stuff turned into disgusting black mountains in parking lots, grey slush on the roads, and to be honest, a huge disruption in my driving capabilities.
I do miss my family a ton. I've always gotten homesick easily. I don't have major panic attacks about missing my mom or my siblings like I used to even at sleepovers or weekends at my grandparents house, but I do find myself sad sometimes that I'm missing out on day-to-day fun stuff my family does. Especially when it includes my nieces and nephews. I've been around Sam his whole entire life. This last November, I missed his 5th birthday, the first one I'd ever missed. When I was in school in Idaho, I made a special surprise trip down for his 3rd birthday because I couldn't miss it. So when I could not make the trip down this time, it broke my heart! When Sam was around 2 we developed a very close relationship and even though I know it won't always be that way, not seeing him grow up quite as closely as I used to is really sad sometimes! Plus, being around my 2 nieces and 3 nephews is just plain fun, especially hearing the random little things they say. "I'm petting this dog. All dogs and puppies like that."
But Utah isn't all so bad. And this post isn't titled "Caitlin whines about where she lives" for a a reason. The other night Tanner asked if I wanted to build a snowman. So we did! I've never made a decent sized snowman like the one we built, because I've always gotten too cold or too impatient. We used rolos for the eyes, a tiny baby carrot for the nose, and hershey's kisses for the mouth. It was actually a little scary at the end of it because the face just turned out looking like a skull. But, it's still standing, and it was a lot of fun to build! But yes, I'm looking forward to seeing some sun again.
Utah is beautiful. When I first got here in August/September, I could have died at how pretty everything was, and especially at all the beautiful weather. I could walk outside to my car without breaking a sweat. I could leave the apartment door open to feel a nice breeze coming in. Nothing, and I mean nothing, like Vegas. I'll admit, I've gotten used to the Vegas heat over the last 20 years of living in it, but I know that whenever we visit this summer, I'll probably be thinking a whole lot differently. So, when the weather here isn't freezing my hair when I make the mistake of getting the mail after taking a shower, it is definitely much better than Vegas.
Around this time a year ago, Tanner and I were dating long distance. And it seriously sucked. I'd rather be anywhere with him than in Vegas without him. Even though the 6 hour drive seems like forever away, I'm grateful we can be somewhere where Tanner can get his schooling done, that really isn't too far from Vegas, where I have some friends, and most importantly where we can just be together.
For instance, everything closes so dang early here! I know, my life is so hard. But I guess I didn't realize the pains of living somewhere where the average closing time is 10:00. In Vegas everything is open 24/7. And things that aren't are usually not even worth going to. Last night Tanner and I were trying to figure out what to do for a date night, and everything we came up with had already closed or would be closing fairly soon. We ended up ice skating then bailing after about 20 minutes of skating itself. (We were there for an hour total, 40 minutes of which we sat on the side.)
Which brings me to my next point. If you ever want to do anything as a couple, you better go on a week night. If you step foot outside your house on a Friday or Saturday, basically anywhere you go is going to be just packed. I hate crowds. I get claustrophobic and anxious. Tanner gets worked up at annoying, rude people. We're definitely not the most patient of couples. At the ice skating place last night we both ended up leaving pretty frazzled, because there was a particularly obnoxious group of teenage (possibly freshman college) guys. And it was super crowded. I hate that anywhere you go is always super busy, because lets face it, there aren't a lot of options here.
The first day of snow was cute. I woke up, looked outside, and saw this beautiful, fluffy white stuff on the ground. Totally not used to it. I didn't end up going out that day because I wasn't feeling well, but the next day when I left for work, the snow had doubled. The stairs to our apartment were frozen, and I ended up being 10 minutes late to work because I hadn't accounted for how long it would take me to scrape all the ice off my car. I got to work late, freezing, and with my clothes just soaked. As it got worse, the beautiful, fluffy white stuff turned into disgusting black mountains in parking lots, grey slush on the roads, and to be honest, a huge disruption in my driving capabilities.
I do miss my family a ton. I've always gotten homesick easily. I don't have major panic attacks about missing my mom or my siblings like I used to even at sleepovers or weekends at my grandparents house, but I do find myself sad sometimes that I'm missing out on day-to-day fun stuff my family does. Especially when it includes my nieces and nephews. I've been around Sam his whole entire life. This last November, I missed his 5th birthday, the first one I'd ever missed. When I was in school in Idaho, I made a special surprise trip down for his 3rd birthday because I couldn't miss it. So when I could not make the trip down this time, it broke my heart! When Sam was around 2 we developed a very close relationship and even though I know it won't always be that way, not seeing him grow up quite as closely as I used to is really sad sometimes! Plus, being around my 2 nieces and 3 nephews is just plain fun, especially hearing the random little things they say. "I'm petting this dog. All dogs and puppies like that."
But Utah isn't all so bad. And this post isn't titled "Caitlin whines about where she lives" for a a reason. The other night Tanner asked if I wanted to build a snowman. So we did! I've never made a decent sized snowman like the one we built, because I've always gotten too cold or too impatient. We used rolos for the eyes, a tiny baby carrot for the nose, and hershey's kisses for the mouth. It was actually a little scary at the end of it because the face just turned out looking like a skull. But, it's still standing, and it was a lot of fun to build! But yes, I'm looking forward to seeing some sun again.
Utah is beautiful. When I first got here in August/September, I could have died at how pretty everything was, and especially at all the beautiful weather. I could walk outside to my car without breaking a sweat. I could leave the apartment door open to feel a nice breeze coming in. Nothing, and I mean nothing, like Vegas. I'll admit, I've gotten used to the Vegas heat over the last 20 years of living in it, but I know that whenever we visit this summer, I'll probably be thinking a whole lot differently. So, when the weather here isn't freezing my hair when I make the mistake of getting the mail after taking a shower, it is definitely much better than Vegas.
Around this time a year ago, Tanner and I were dating long distance. And it seriously sucked. I'd rather be anywhere with him than in Vegas without him. Even though the 6 hour drive seems like forever away, I'm grateful we can be somewhere where Tanner can get his schooling done, that really isn't too far from Vegas, where I have some friends, and most importantly where we can just be together.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
The Story Of How My Eye Got Chemically Burned
As I mentioned in my previous post, Tanner and I left Disneyland early so I could go get treatment for my eye. This trip to Vegas was filled with some unfortunate events, especially at the beginning. The day before Disneyland I had to put my dog, Winky, to sleep. She was super sick and had lived a good, long life. But it was time to let her go so we did. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done! The next day, my eye flared up, and then the next day...well, it's kind of a long story.
So my sister Amanda is really into doTerra essential oils. I swear, she's cured me of multiple ailments on various occasions. She combines these oils to treat anything from back pain to the flu. This stuff is pretty incredible, really. So when I let her know my eye was acting up, she asked if I wanted her to bring some oils over to put around (not in) my eye to help with the redness/itchiness. I agreed, because it has always helped.
So the morning after Disneyland, she brought the oils over. She let me know beforehand what she would be doing. She was going to take a q-tip and apply Oregano, Lavender, and I think a blend called On Guard. She warned me before we started that Oregano is what they call a "hot" oil. It's not like you heat it up or anything, but it's naturally hot. So when you apply it to skin, you're supposed to dilute it. That's how strong it is. She also let me know that it's not really supposed to go in your eye, but if it did get in there, it would burn, but not actually harm my eye. Honestly I'm not sure if anything she could have told me would have prepared me for the hot (literally) mess that was about to take place.
She took the q-tip, and started with the Oregano. Immediate burning sensation.
*I'm quite sure profanities were coming from my mouth at this point, but I really can't remember much on my part but pain and yelling*
Amanda: "I'm supposed to rub olive oil on it after to help dilute it."
Me: "So where is the freaking olive oil?!"
Amanda: "I'm supposed to rub olive oil on it after to help dilute it."
Me: "So where is the freaking olive oil?!"
Amanda: "Hannah! Go grab it! Quick!"
Half a second passes.
Me: "WHERE IS THE OLIVE OIL?!?!?!"
Me: "WHERE IS THE OLIVE OIL?!?!?!"
Olive oil is applied.
Me: "Oh my gosh it literally feels like my skin is burning off. Is my skin okay?!"
Andee: (jokingly) "Oh no! We can see your skull!"
I laugh. Amanda pokes the q-tip with the oregano straight into my tear duct as I jerk forward laughing. Laughter stops. Tears and screaming ensue.
I literally have not felt that kind of pain before. It wasn't the worst I've ever felt, but definitely #2 and very, very prominent in my memory. My eye filled with oregano tears, which flowed onto my cheeks, only enhancing the pain. I sat there breathing like I was giving birth for another couple minutes while she rubbed more olive oil on. It finally started to calm down. The crying stopped, and my family who had all gathered in the kitchen to see what all the screaming was about got ready to go to the museum.
As the day went on, we noticed that my under eye was still quite swollen, and a little discolored. From then it just got worse. I think the worst it got was day 2 afterwards. It wasn't swollen anymore, just extremely dark and scaly. We figured out that I had actually suffered a chemical burn. It was so bad that day that when Tanner and I went to Subway, he literally got the stare-down by every person in there. It straight up looked like he had punched me. It was so funny and so terrible all at once. The nurse at my eye doctor thought I was insane when I told her the story. She was like, "You know that eye is sensitive...why would you do that?" Again, totally embarrassing.
My eye is completely healed now, which is obviously good. But I really couldn't go without having this story recorded somewhere. Sorry, Amanda!
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