2016 was kind of the worst.

It would appear that the world is (yet again) divided. Was 2016 the best or the worst year? I've seen post after post of celebrity death tributes claiming that this one. This one is really what made 2016 the worst year ever. Or, I see posts saying that the election is what made this year really suck. I've also seen tweets and Facebook updates exclaiming: "Stop the negativity! Re-post if you think 2016 was your best year yet!"

Well here I am, putting forward my own claim: 2016 really was hard. No, not because I'm unsatisfied with the election results, and no, not because of all the celebrity deaths. (Although I still get kind of sad when I think of Alan Rickman...) I don't say that to be dramatic, or pessimistic, or because I thrive on attention. I say it because 2016 has really been tough! 

I don't feel the need to go into detail about everything that has gone "wrong" for us this year. Most people know, either because I've over-vented to random acquaintances on several occasions (sorry...) or because I've recently adopted a coping mechanism that revolves mostly around making jokes of all my issues. They say that our trials are specifically catered for each of us, to learn the lessons we need to learn. And I think this year we've both really felt (and hated) that. 

The point I'm getting to is that I know that in reality tomorrow is no different than today. I won't wake up and magically have a brand new attitude that will somehow make the next 365 days better than the last. And I realize that there's no real way to "leave 2016 in the past." Because 2016 hasn't just been days on a calendar. It's been ups and downs, highs and lows. It's been trials that we're still living through, and lessons that are a part of me now. 

But, as we traditionally say goodbye to 2016, I look back with humbled eyes. Even through the most difficult times this year, it's easy to look back and see where we were blessed, whether it was by friends or family, finances, or just comfort in each other. We've never gone hungry or spent a night without a roof over our heads. When I think of the things we have that other people pray for, I'm filled with gratitude. 

I refuse to make any blanket statements about my hopes for 2017, because that's done nothing for us in the past. But I will say that I'm so grateful for everyone who has made an impact on our year. Happy New Year! 

When did everyone get so nosy?

Ha! Coming back on here, I'm kind of embarrassed of my pitiful excuse for a "blog." Something I created to help people "keep up with our lives" (because Facebook, Instagram, texting, calling, and face timing isn't enough obviously) has turned into just another empty space on the internet. You're welcome, world.

But, today I make my triumphant return to this blog as I tackle a topic that has become the subject of most of my recent late night venting sessions: When/how/why did everyone become so damn nosy? And when did it become okay to be so?

Really.

This is something I've noticed throughout my adult life, but especially as I've gotten married, and especially since we've been married for over a year. BUT! This is not limited to people who are married. Here are just a few examples of what I've experienced personally, and what I've seen others go through as well:

1. A girl (who I hadn't spoken to in years, and I was never really close with) messaged me on Facebook after I came home from my mission early, to ask why. I told her, thinking she was looking to support me/talk it out. But, she never responded after definitely viewing my reply. (Shout out to Facebook for that nifty little tool)
2. A single mother that I know, posted a photo of her and her son visiting Temple square. Among many adoring comments was one that struck me as both wildly inappropriate, and completely none of that persons business. "I know you're not married and obviously not going on a mission, but you can go through the temple! It's amazing, you should talk to your bishop about getting that done." Hold up, what? Why are we discussing this over instagram? How do you know she isn't already working on that? Or if that's something she even really wants? Also...what?! (Insert eye-rolling emoji here)
3. "When are you going to start your family?" "Are you ever gonna have a baby or what?" "When do you think you'll start trying?" "Why haven't you guys had kids yet? Are you struggling?" <-- yep that's a real one too. I mean, what? I've answered this so many times I kind of forget who hasn't asked. We'll start when the Lord tells us to. We need Tanner to get a new job first. It's too soon, now just isn't the time for us. We're thinking maybe next year. Wait, I said that last year? Sorry, I guess I got mixed up. I meant NEXT year.

Do you get my point? Where/when/how did this become anyone's business but ours? Of course our immediate family and close friends have these questions. Our siblings and parents poke fun at why we've waited "so long" for years! But sorry Great Aunt Sheila who "remembers when I was just a little baby," you don't really get to ask those questions.

I'll admit it, my frustrations with the nosiness has made me a little snippy when I'm asked these questions. Just last week when asked, "You've been married 3 years already?! Wow, that's great! How have you not gotten pregnant already?" I answered "Well honestly I don't know, we wanted to start having kids at 3 years but it's not happening right now so your guess is as good as mine." But what blows my mind is that people are appalled, offended even that I dare answer their "innocent" question with even the slightest tone of frustration.

You know how some people have the good sense to say "Don't ask about when a couple is having kids, because they could be struggling with infertility?" Well, over the last 3 years I've learned that that question could end with the word "struggling." We've "struggled" (okay, isn't struggle such a weird word?) with different reasons not to have kids yet for 3 years, and we don't even know if we're "infertile" yet. What makes it a struggle, is that we want kids. Surprise! We really, really do. I've been "baby hungry" since about a year and a half in, and Tanner has joined me in the last 6 months.

So no, we're not trying unsuccessfully. The struggle is in that we're ready, but it's not time for us yet. (I can't believe I'm actually answering all the nosy questions in a post that's supposed to be about stopping the nosy questions)

Here's my point: Stop asking questions about the people you say you care about. Care for them. Show your concern for them. Instead of saying "I saw your post, what happened?" Say "I heard you were having a rough day, is there anything I can do to help?" I get it! Sometimes you just wanna know what's going on. Trust me, I know. But don't be the person who comes around when something interesting happens. Be that person who is a constant in your friends and families lives. Take care of the people you love, and try your hardest to just let those people you're "just curious about" be.